Life in an Incubator

It's just a norm! We human will not appreciate certain things around us when the things are aplenty. We take things for granted. Here I want to share 2 stories:
Last week I was posted into the Neonatal ICU, and I was taking care of this little life. He is just a premature boy born at 26 weeks (a normal pregnancy would go to 40 weeks, he is 14 weeks short!). Weighing just a little bit over 900 gram, he has a dark complexity and a body covered with fine hair (lanugo). He is slightly bigger than my palm. There was a respiratory machine hooked up with countless of continuous monitoring going on in him. This little soul was moving his tiny hand when I first saw him. Every breath he took seems so full of effort and every minute passed is a blessed moment that he is still alive. Although he had a number of complications from being very preterm, the will to survive is very strong.
On the contrary, I have a friend that had quited medical school just at the dawn of the final examination. Heard that medical life was not his thing and that he will never walk down this road again. It was a shock to all of us as a friend as the move he took was drastic. Everyone was screaming that this is a very big waste. Alas! The life is his. Whatever path that he chose to take in the future, I just wish him good luck and he will find his way someday.
Someone is letting go, yet someone is striving very hard to live. This is how contrary a life can be. Hope you found your way.

More Than a Cageful of Tears

Here I am again. My story never ends, or rather my agony never ends. That day, everything seems like a turning point for me. That day, one fine couple came and see me. Immediately they had fall in love with me. They were saying something like 'adopting' me. I was over the cloud nine. How I wish to have a family, to call 'papa' and 'mama' when I learn to speak one day. Some one would care for me, caress me, hug me and play with me.

Alas! Everything was like a dream.


Being born prematurely into this world, it has taken toll on my body. Some part of my system is imperfect. Few weeks back, I don't know what the 'big people' are talking about, but I overheard that they want to do something to my body. Something like 'surgery'. Something like putting me to sleep and then open me up. That idea sounds scary. What will happen to me then? But don't harm me, please!

That night, an angel came to me and spoke to me. She said the family supposed to adopt me changed their mind. This is because I am not perfect. She said I need to be brave. To endure what lays ahead. And I need to be strong! I cried that night. Knowing that the fragile dream is already broken to million pieces, I am back to square one. Again, I ponder this question. Being born like this, is it my mistake? Why I am subjected to so much of human cruelty? Why am I being so unwanted? The angel left. Again, I went to sleep with all the questions unanswered.

A Cageful of Tears

My little cage... This is where I live. This is where I know my world. No love. A small cage to call home, but large enough to notice what is missing in my life. I maybe small, I may not able to speak with words, but I can communicate through my eyes. I need love. Just like the other children. There are a lot of things I don't know, bit I know I am lack of love.

Where are you, Dad? Where are you when I need your hug the most? I don't even know how your face looked like. Are you tall? Are you warm? Are you a handsome guy? Are you a caring person? Where are you, Mom? There are times I cry myself to sleep, where are your warm hand to comfort my pain? I had no more tears, I have no love. All I have is the nurses that attend to my daily needs, feeds me, baths me and caress me. But they are not my mom. Do I have a brother? Or a sister, Mom? Are they with you in the family? Why I can't be with you? I want you, mom.

Every morning, I wake up to nurses that want to give me medications. It was bitter for sure. I don't want to take it. But who am I to object? All I can do is cry. To my left, there is another boy. I don't know who he is, what is his name, and where is he from. But for sure, there is no mom and dad around him. Does he suffers from the same fate as I am? I don't know. Does he need love as much as I do? Maybe.

I don't know why I am here. If I was so unwanted, why do you care to make me in the first place? Am I a mistake in your life? Am I a burden? Do I disrupt the way you live? I have no answer to all of the questions. If I could only speak, I wish to tell you, Mom, that I will be an obedient girl. I will not disturb you, I promised! But it's all too late. You had abandoned me. Here I am, with other 'brothers' and 'sisters' which I don't even know. They don't care for me like my real brothers and sisters. They don't want to play with me. At night, we slept together in a crowded bed. Sometimes I can't even breath. Sometimes I lost my belongings. But I can't blame them. There are simply too many of my brothers and sisters. That's why I was sick. Thats why 'they' bring me to my cage here.

My sad story had just began...

This is a tragic in real life. The message of the story is to practice contraception. Help reduce the number of unwanted child. You can make the difference.

Coffee: Eye Opener or Brain Killer

I have to admit, I am addicted to coffee. But 1 out of 2 of my friends are on coffee everyday. Be it a caramel machiato, nanyang memorably or a simple nescafe, I had to take 1 cup every morning to keep me alive. I can skip breakfast, but not this. Everyday, I took an average of 2 cups of coffee. It started to sound like cigarette already.

I started to drink coffee during my secondary school age. I remembered it was an Indocafe. The taste was very bitter but still nice. My favorite cup? 1 teaspoon of coffee + 3 teaspoon of Milo + sugar. Yummy! Now I still drink this way, only without sugar. They called it mocha, but I prefer to called it Neslo.

So does coffee do you any harm? We have to look at it at 2 angles: dependence and intoxication. Not surprisingly, coffee can cause dependence, but surprisingly, it causes only psychological dependence. There was once I was on Atkin's diet. They recommend the users to stop coffee. So I did. First of all, I know if I am off coffee, there will be severe, head crushing, brain-burning headache. I will be a total useless junk. So I pick a time where I don't need my brain: holiday. And next thing I need is lots of paracetamol. So, I went through hell for the first 2 days. gradually, on the 3rd day. the withdrawal became much better. On the 4th, I can function partially and the next day, I can do my usual things again! Furthermore, I felt much better, more alert when I am off coffee than when I am on. Unfortunately, when I had stress for exam, the coffee drinking habit comes again and I am hooked till now.

The other aspect is intoxication. Believe it or not, some of you all actually drink until you get light-headedness. This is part of the intoxication symptoms. Others are feeling your heartbeat beating too fast, sleepless, restless, increase the frequency to go to toilet and abdominal organ upsets. There is no specific intoxication level. Some can take 5 cups without symptoms but some will have symptoms even before reaching the bottom of the first cup. It is usually dependent on the age. Younger than 35 years (like me!) will usually not suffer from intoxication.

Do you need treatment for caffeine dependence? Personally, if it does not bothers you, why bothers? Seek help if you think it affects your function.